Let’s be real, part II
Posted on | August 16, 2009 |
Since I wrote the first of these posts I’ve had some lovely responses (quite a few of them coming through Intent.com) with sensitive insights into how easy it can be to slip into an on-line persona, or indeed any kind of persona. I am immensely grateful for the honesty and wisdom so many of you have expressed and for the vulnerability that allowed me to feel what you meant. One woman wrote movingly about how she had tried to be amusing and witty on-line in order to keep the attention of a romantic interest, and I could identify with that situation immediately. Which of us hasn’t done something a little similar?
A few people, of course, didn’t see the persona as a problem at all, which also made me wonder.
The difficulty is, perhaps, as basic as words themselves. Words are always a response to a situation. Feelings always come first. So, whenever we reach for words we are already handling the experience at one remove, as it were; already we have our protective coating of words between us and whatever it is that wishes to be expressed. And that is where the persona can slip in.
When we speak or write to loved ones we know it is, very often, not the words we say that matter so much as the tone in which they are delivered. And loved ones, on their side, are likely to be highly sensitized to this. Sometimes this means they, and we, imagine meanings which aren’t there, and that’s part of the problem too.
The persona, then, seems to be that part of ourselves that wishes to assert it is separate from anyone else. This is the ego’s wish, to be separate rather than honoring our One-ness, to find division when there really isn’t any, to wish to rise above and be superior when the concept of superiority is one based in an ego-powered world.
To function in this world we seem to feel we need a protective persona, just to survive its rough-and-tumble. But let us find opportunities to do without our armor. Others will soon follow suit. Perhaps it’s impossible, but I’m willing to give it a try.
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August 18th, 2009 @ 10:18 pm
I have been pondering on these last two posts for a couple days, partly because it just wasn’t something I really much thought about and partly because a little part of me felt defensive.
As someone who has several roles online, including, friend, family member (almost everyone I know and love communicates most actively with me through the internet,) business owner, employee, colleague, blogger, crafter, and sometimes, advocate, I am keenly aware that anything I say and do may somehow overlap these various roles in my life.
When I post something, I say to myself; “If my boss were to read this, how would she respond? How about a potential customer?”
This means that while I have very strong and passionate feelings about certain things in life, I am always couching those thoughts as best I can. In a word, it’s a “persona.” This is my public “persona” that knows that as sure and confident and opinionated as I am about some things I need to acknowledge that there are other views, when I express these thoughts publicly. In the same way, when I’m with friends, I can let my more relaxed and snarky side come through. Perhaps that’s a persona too.
And then there is medium. When I blog, I try to be complete and concise and thoughtful in my blog posts, partially because these are journal entries that I may need to reference back to at a later date. It doesn’t help me, customers, knitters, or other readers of my blog, if my posts are just quips. However, Twitter (which also feeds my facebook status) is limited to 140 characters. My love for puns and a good challenge means that it’s a certain sort of puzzle to put together a full thought that’s also interesting to read. So my tone, perhaps my persona, is different for that medium. I don’t talk in puns and quips but with only 140 characters I can sometimes covey more in that medium with wit.
Perhaps, though, it’s not so much that I have a persona but more that only parts of my full personality are expressed in any one medium. And isn’t this true for all but our closest loved ones, in real life, as well? There are many aspects of my life I don’t consider appropriate for online (essentially public) conversation. I am happy to own who I am online and do feel it’s a part of who I am but I also acknowledge that it’s a very simplified view of the whole.