Facebook survey
Posted on | July 1, 2009 |
Just the other day I noticed, yet again, that people have a way of being resentful when others have some sort of mild success. I posted this comment on facebook and was interested to note that many people felt the same way. In fact a LOT of people felt the same way.
So why is it that instead of being happy for someone else’s success we find that others tend to want to criticize, belittle, and reduce their achievement? That’s not the popular attitude as projected by Hollywood. There if one does something good and praiseworthy everyone jumps up and down and celebrates and is happy. That’s Hollywood. In the real world one is much more likely to run into false smiles and waves of negativity. ‘Huh,’ goes the refrain, ‘that’s not so great. I coulda done that…’
A variant on this is the subtle way people can look down on success. People can be happy for what you achieve, as long as they can say in the next breath that of course you didn’t get rich doing it (for example), or that you suffered in some other real or imagined way. Here’s an example: ‘Van Gogh was a genius, but of course, mentally terribly tortured…’ Is that why we like his work? Because he was an artistic success who reassured us that success wasn’t worth it at that price - which in turn excuses our own lack of successes?
What we have here, my friends, are excuses for mediocrity; those consoling attitudes we all, to some extent, are inclined to preserve, and if we hold on to them they stop us from having to even try for real success, or personal actualization.
This is Orphan culture. It’s time to move beyond it.
Let us be happy for others’ successes and even for their attempts at success. Let us revel in the fact that people are doing their best to make personal progress. And let’s also make sure we don’t accept any excuses for our own lack of motivation.
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Hi—I’m Allan Hunter, author of The Six Archetypes of Love and Stories We Need to Know as well as two books on writing for self-exploration, Life Passages and The Sanity Manual. If you’re looking to live your best life I hope you’ll find lots of inspiration here.
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July 1st, 2009 @ 3:11 pm
A good reminder always. Thanks Allan. I think it’s most important with the people we love to be happy for them in their successes. It’s something I imagine all of us try to do but we can always use a thoughtful reminder to carry that through all our interactions.
I wonder if there isn’t another side to this as well? Isn’t there a part of us that also wants to idealize? Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Abe Lincoln were all human and because of that, flawed in their own ways. Yet, we can’t seem to reconcile that people can make epic change and still be perfectly human. We want to either build them up to sainthood or break them down to something lesser than us. I suspect there’s an evolutionary component to both sides; a part of us that needs to make greatness seem attainable so that we will continually peruse it or to find great leaders and follow them despite their flaws. Like many internal drives, I think it’s acceptable to feel natural feelings but it’s incumbent on us to decide if acting out on them betters or worsens us. We are also driven to seek out sweet, fatty and salty foods, but that doesn’t mean we can do so with abandon.
As always, your comments are thought provoking.
July 1st, 2009 @ 4:29 pm
Dear Marnie,
Oh that is a very good point about idealizing our heroic figures. That is the polarizing influence, isn’t it? The Good/Bad opposition we see so much of in the movies is allied to it, I think. It’s simplistic, but easier than dealing with our own mixed emotions….
As always, I love your wisdom.
With a smile, Allan
July 4th, 2009 @ 12:18 am
So very true. May we all just wish each other well. What’s with this stuff?